I’m wearing your shirt right now.

It doesn’t even smell like you, but knowing that it touched your skin makes me feel safe.

I wish I could actually hug you right now but it looks like that’s not possible.
I wish I could just call you.
I’m so angry that I can’t have you.
It’s been such a long time since I fell for you and I still couldn’t recover.
Maybe I never will but that’s fine.
Loving you feels even better than ecstasy.

And that’s a big thing to say as someone who’s battling addiction.
You’re worse than drugs.
I think about you everyday.
And I’m sad all the time, not just the morning after.
I want to know what you’re doing right now.
Lately I’ve been thinking of my future.
I realized that even if I don’t get to be yours my life will still go on.
That’s kind of what keeps me going at the moment.
I know you never intended to hurt me but you did.
It’s not fair.
But hey, life is never fair and it will never be.
I’m just so mad that someone else was the one who got to love you.
Did you really forget me?
I remember when you would text me all the time.
You always hugged me and asked me to hang out.
Now you act like I’m a ghost.
It’s just not fair.
I would literally do anything for you and you probably can’t even really remember me.
I’m so stupidly addicted to you.
It’s exhausting.
I’d bleed myself dry for you.

You can have both of my kidneys I don’t even care.
Please just smile at me again.

FROM…. N