hi, it’s Bug. I miss you badly. I don’t want to continue to live my life without you in it. all I have are just memories. I drive past the bench just to replay one of my favorite memories in my head. you and i. a nice day in April. sitting on your lap and kissing you while the traffic goes by. I miss your strong arms and hands so bad, j. I miss you.

I hate how we couldn’t live a simple, normal life together. it makes me so sad. i wanted to have your last name, your baby… everything. you are the missing piece of this puzzle I call “my life”. that missing puzzle piece has your shape, nobody else can fit it or fix it. every little thing reminds me of you. smells, the way the air feels sometimes, music, etc. it’s hard-wearing your dog tags… it’s hard smelling your clothes. I spray my pillow with your cologne every night, I bought an extra bottle or two so I won’t run out.

I promised you something. that something was to be yours forever, and dammit you got it. I play our song every night before bedtime. I envision us dancing to it. the way we slow danced to it before. the way we decided it was our song the first night we met. I’m so glad to have these memories. although, j, they make me so sad because that’s all I’ll ever have any more.

J, wherever you are, please protect me and guide me. I need you so bad. I need so much help. I don’t want to do this without you… please let me know if you can hear me.

your Bug forever, S <3

FROM…. your Bug, your everything