You may have noticed.
I had a crush on you.
I did not want to have a crush.
I didn’t think it could happen to me again.

But it was nice. I felt alive.
Nice to notice my heart thumping,
I blushed when you blushed.
I love your cheeky, happy smile.
I kidded myself that you might have feelings for me.
I felt young and energized.

Telling you about my dream triggered it.
In my dream I got COVID and needed to go on a ventilator.
You were my bedside nurse and kind enough to say yes to a coffee with me.
Trying to asking you out made me nervous.
Thanks for dancing with me and making a selfie of us.
You can imagine how pleased I was to get your phone number.
I was even more pleased when you said yes to a coffee.
Thanks – it means a lot to me.
I cherish the memories.

You can imagine how confusing it was for me.
As you know, I am happily married and have gorgeous kids.
I know that I am old, and you are young.
I love my wife, she does not deserve this.
And I don’t even know you.
I don’t see a romantic future without anyone getting hurt.

I know my crush will disappear with time.
I reflected on my past. I read a lot about and worked on my friendships.
I thought meeting you for a coffee might melt away my crush.
But I enjoyed talking to you.

Telling my wife about you helped me.
I naively thought we could become platonic friends.
I see it now this may not be possible for a while.
Understandably, my wife wants me to keep you at a distance.
And from what you told me, you have a lot on your shoulders.
I hope things have become less complicated for you.

Out of respect to you, I stopped texting.
I sensed answering my texts didn’t come easy.
I held back telling you about my affection – that would have been unfair.
I hope I didn’t send too many mixed messages or hurt you in any way.

Let me tell you that your current/future partner(s) can be lucky to be with you.
I think it would be fun to discover the world with you.
It’s so nice to hear about your love for your family and your dogs.
I think you would make a wonderful mum.

I will keep on dreaming,
that we might become just good friends,
that you and my wife might get to know each other amicably,
that I may one day be allowed to invite you out for dinner, no extras,
hoping to see that lovely smile of yours.

I sometimes catch myself daydreaming about you in the presence of others.
I now try and treat others how I would want to treat you.
It helps me feel connected, and my family and friends hopefully get the benefit.
You see, the crush had a purpose. You made a difference in my life.

Call me cheesy. Call me weird.
That’s how I feel at the moment.
I think of you.

FROM…. Your admiring doctor