Thank you for all that you’ve taught me. I didn’t know how to love or to be loved before you showed me. Maybe I still don’t – probably not. But there’s nothing that I would like more than for you to show me the rest.
But I know that it was already stolen time, and I need to let you figure out how to be happy on your own above anything else. I hope so strongly that you keep looking for and working towards that. I know it’s been so hard for you, but you’re doing such a good job and you’ve been so brave recently. If there was a way for me to send my love just through thoughts, then you would already have all of it. But I will keep sending you more, even if I can’t say it out loud. I want to so badly, but my reason should not be trusted right now. I know that I can’t be rational about this even though I’m trying.

You said that if there was a god, then you have been blessed to know me. I’m not sure if you still think that or not, but know that I feel the same way about you. You’ve helped me in more ways than you know, just like you said about me – and it’s more than enough. I know you never believed that, but it really is. I hope I’ve never made you feel any different.

I guess I don’t know what to do now, or if there’s anything I can do. I know we probably can’t be together – it would be too risky and too unacceptable for both of us. It’s not realistic, which is the last thing I actually care about when I think about what I want, but I know I should and probably will care eventually.

I just still keep hoping for something, but I haven’t reached out even though you said to keep in touch because I don’t know what to say, and I don’t want to get in the way, or get you in trouble, or distract you from the good work you’ve been doing and the momentum you’ve been building. Will you reach out when you’re ready, or are you scared too? I hope one of us grows some balls soon.

Anyway, I do just want the best for you. I know you want the same for me. I hope I can be a part of that, but if I can’t, I just want to thank you and have it recorded somewhere that I’m so grateful for you no matter what happens. I think you’re amazing and caring and really weird and you light me up just by looking at me, and I’ve never felt that with someone before. so thank you. I really really hope that you can continue what you’re doing now and that you can eventually believe me when I say that you deserve to be happy. You deserve so much more than you think you do and I hope that you get all of it and more. Sending you all of my love and smiles.

P.S. I don’t hide my smile anymore because of you. Thanks for showing me how bright it is. You make me feel really pretty.

FROM…e