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My Mother

Hi mom, this is a letter for all the things I wish to tell you but I’m not.


Growing up, I always thought that a mother symbolized someone caring, loving, genuine, a best friend. However, I always wondered why you are the exact opposite. At least towards me. Now, I don’t want you to think that I didn’t appreciate you or make you seem like a bad mother because you’re not at all. Mentally tho, you just weren’t it for me and that’s okay. I learned to be okay with that and accept that no matter how much we get a long in a few days in a row, it’ll always go back to looking at you like a stranger. 

 

I always hear my friends talk about how their mom is their bestie and they tell each other everything and honestly makes me feel left out because even though you are still in my life (which I am forever grateful for) I just never have conversations with you. Which I think is needed in a mother/daughter relationship. I’m sorry for not being the daughter you hoped for. I really am. You deserved better which might be the reason in which you are. I just hope that my kids never look at me this way. I love you. I’m also writing this as you’re making your morning coffee a few feet away from me. Little do you know haha.


Now this rant revolves around the same thing but more of a list of things that you make me feel bad about, which I’m aware are probably not your intentions. The way my brother was born. I know being special needs us not a choice and I know that you know, but yet you make it me feel like it’s a chore for you to take care of my brother and the only reason you are is because he’s your son and not because you love him or anything. Of course I know that you do but I can’t help and feel that way when all you do is complain. 

 

The only reason why I don’t speak to you or say these things to your face is the reason that if I do, it’ll just create an issue bc you have no way of being able to communicate with people without drama. At the end of this, you deserved a better life, so does dad, and my brother. Tbh most people do.

 

FROM…. the daughter you didn’t hope for

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