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Dear... BRandon

I don’t think you knew, but you were my first love.
I did good in school just to have an excuse to spend time with you to ‘tutor’ you. You always had so much potential. I watched as you tapped your leg and chewed on your pen to get the answer too every math problem. From like 3rd grade you were my everything. I’m pretty sure I already told you once but God I really miss you.
Your laugh, your jokes, just everything about you made me feel complete. Then I moved and it didn’t matter because I was over it as I thought but then the memories just kept flooding in and I realized you were no longer just a crush, you were a love. We were way out of each other’s ballpark but those few interactions we had did a lot for me. Some good some bad.

I started sexualizing myself more because that’s the only way I could get you to look at me, I wore shorter skirts and low cut tops to just catch anybody’s eye because that’s the only way I feel loved. Its’ not even your fault, I just assumed you never really liked me for me.

I also started doing better in school to get validation, whether good or bad you decide.

I don’t know why I need to get it off my chest but God I really miss you even thought you’ll never read this and have probably forgotten about me but you made my personality into as chaotic and shitty and amazing as it is and I just thank you I guess.

Do I have a crush on you now? idk.

FROM…. The girl with the robot fingers

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