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Dear... Ollie

Growing up i though that id fall in love and it would be easy, fall for a healthy guy who treated me well who lives to tell me i’m worth it and makes me laugh.

Now i have this. what ever fucking mess this is. two years me and him have had this unspoken thing between us, when ever i’d go out with a douchebag guy or a guy so full of himself you feel border line like an object shows of to your friends. then he came along and asked me out. it wasn’t what it was supposed to be. it wasn’t perfect he didn’t treat me right or anything.

These two years when i had nothing when i and one of the worst guys at school i thought ‘Ollie wouldn’t treat me this way’ he was a constant the guy who was always going to be right. i don’t know what it is but i can’t stand him now i’m with him. i told myself this would be the relationship i’d let myself go in the one where i’d go places and push myself out of my comfort zone. but i can’t stand him.

I knew he was stubborn and i knew he was opinionated but he puts me down so much and when i’m ranting to my friends about him they tell me ‘but didn’t you know that? you’ve been friends for years’ and maybe i did but it never effected me before, ‘so casually cruel in the name of being honest’ and all that. but it’s not just the stubbornness that repulses me (and is also the reason i’m never taking him home to see my mother). but he hasn’t told anyone about me. not a single soul, not his parents or friends or siblings no-one.

Isn’t that a but red-flaggy to anyone else. and he shames me for telling my friends, ‘oh she’s a gossip she’ll tell everyone’ yeah but she’s also one of my best friends and who cares if people find out unless you’re embarrassed by me and not to be vain but i’m pretty pretty and i’m nice and not an embarrassing person WHY wouldn’t you want to tell people. and it’s so hard to bring it up with him without sounding like i want him to proclaim to everyone his affections for me but i just want to feel less like a secret and less shame for not keeping him as one.

He also doesn’t catch cues which is another issue a ‘break’ means a break not a i’ll still text and call you five times a day. SO RED FLAGGY. but yet i stay with him even i don’t know why

FROM…. A Girl

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