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Dear...Carbon

I have enjoyed our friendship and i do think it’s pretty funny that i’m your mom’s favorite but bc if you i’ve cried so much and ended up feeling numb after. it could be a depression relapse or it could be both. recently i’ve been unsure if we should remain friends. i decided to take some tests online and we’ll they all basically had the same answer, should probably end it. the problem is though, i have abandonment issues and i’m scared if i do end the friendship then those issues will come to light in a bad way. i also feel like a hypocrite because i do have abandonment issues but i also just want to like block and unadd everyone sometimes. 

Does that make me a hypocrite even? there’s things, like questions, i’ve thought you sent just me but no, you’ve sent them to other people too. i do wonder how you would react if i stopped pretending it’s all fine with you but, i’m not sure if i’ll ever do that. earlier this year i didn’t want our friendship to ever end but i guess things change. i don’t want a messy ending ya know. maybe slowly drifting apart. it’ll be even harder though since we’re each other’s number 1 on our snap best friend list. 

I have quite a bit of pictures to delete when the time comes but i am someone who likes to hold onto pictures for memories so who knows they might still be in my camera roll for awhile. maybe i’ll try to hold on to the friendship for a little longer just incase it truly is my depression that wants to end the friendship. as for the friend group i probably won’t talk to them again besides maybe kay. 

I feel bad for kay. when kay and their bf got together you were jealous because you liked their bf and you wanted to make their bf jealous so you tried to use me to achieve that by like holding my hand. kay and their bf have been together for a couple months but i still believe you have feelings for kay’s bf especially since you had mention once that you hate being touched yet you’re so touchy with kay’s bf. it’s so obvious that a mutual friend and i have talked about it. it’s even worse that kay always gets sick so they don’t get to see their bf that much. oh and i should mention how you and kay’s bf always hang out ljke i get you guys are best friends but still you hang out so much that kay has never been able to hang out alone with their bf. i wouldn’t be surprised if kay and their bf break up soon but of course if they do it’ll probably cause some weirdness in the group. i wonder if you would try to get with kay’s bf when they break up. 

Honestly if you did that would make this so much easier. also another thing about you is how when you text me the same thing as another person it seems like you still don’t trust me. you told someone you’ve known for longer something you refused to tell me. there’s so much more i want to say but it’s late and i have to get up in less than 4 hours so i think it’s time to end this. 

I doubt you know this website but just in case i did nicknames and for your nickname it’s the nickname i gave you but when i was typing it earlier when talking to kay it accidentally corrected to that so you are now carbon on here. and for what i’ll be signing off as well i’m not going to put anything relating to my name so it’ll just be your favorite 2 letter next to each other. 

I know when our friendship ends i’ll look back on it missing it most likely because well i like(d?) you. maybe things will change and the friendship won’t end but for now i don’t care that much.

FROM…. dn

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