Anyway, i know you’re not gonna see this, but i’ll still vent my feelings here. i’ll cut to the chase. i felt hurt when you rejected my confession. i thought things will be back to normal. i realized they won’t be the same anymore. i couldn’t think straight for a week or so.

I blamed myself for feeling this way. i didn’t expect to feel this kind of heartbreak, much less from you. i coudn’t believe it. you crushed my hopes of you liking me back. i grew attached to you as time went by. never have i thought we would come to this. it was a crazy experience. i tried to distract myself, but i just couldn’t get you out of my head. damn. 

I’ve probably experienced all stages of grief since i confessed. i tried to avoid you. i denied my true feelings. i wished i never confessed to you. i cried for three nights. i listened to breakup songs. i really hit rock bottom (or did i? lol) that time. for the whole month of april. i mean, shit happens, but yeah.

I couldn’t help but realize a lot of things. talking to you doesn’t feel the same anymore. i backread our conversation from time to time, and i missed those moments. those moments when we were talking about taylor swift, my ex crush, those pick-up lines, those late night talks. it just doesn’t feel the same as it was. i really miss them. but i guess things like this happen. there are times i don’t talk to you as often as i used to. sometimes we don’t even talk for a whole day. it’s totally diffferent from before. but yeah, maybe it’s meant to happen. 🙁

Here’s one thing: always remember that i’ll be here for you as your friend. i know, it sucks to be in the friendzone, but i’d rather take the high road than throw this to waste. i value our friendship and i don’t want to lose it just because you didn’t return my feelings. you don’t owe me anything. i’m ready to listen to your problems, your rants, whatever that is. i’ve seen that people leave the friendship when their friend doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, but i don’t want to do that. i want to keep you as my friend. it hurts, really. but it’ll pass.

Lastly, thank you. thank you for being my friend, my ex-crush, my music buddy, my co-swiftie, my movie night buddy, and my pick-up line buddy. i’ve learned a lot from you since i confessed. i’ve realized that i deserve someone better and not someone who is unsure of me. thank you for making me remember my worth again. i guess the fog has faded and our strings are not attached to each other after all. but still, thank you for everything. i really treasure what we have together. but it’s better off this way. i don’t want to hurt again.

FROM…. Ros