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Dear... Uzair

I feel so stupid writing this. You have most likely forgotten my existence, but I have thought about you every single day since you came into my life in 2019. I hate this. I feel like I’m not living. I try to live but deep down I know that all I’m doing is waiting for you to come back. I am never present. And sometimes I think I’m just being stupid, but other times I think that this must mean something. If I’m missing you so terribly, then is there a chance you are missing me too?? I’m just sick of feeling crazy. I wish I could tell someone about this. 

I wish I could tell you! One day I’m convinced I’m being totally stupid and irrational, and the next minute I’m remembering the way you looked at me. We had something!! I don’t give a monkey that we only saw each other twice. I know I belong with you. I guess I’m scared that I’m going to live the rest of my life feeling like a part of me is missing. I kept asking God for a sign. And I heard nothing. A loud sign indeed some would say. I don’t know what to do anymore. 

I’m just really tired and heartbroken. Yeah, I’m just really tired. It’s funny because I get so excited at the end of the day. After all, it means that I’m one day closer to hearing from you again. And now I’m in shock because I have been doing this every single day since 2019. Every single day. Seriously, every. single. bloody. day. 

I am so drained every night from all the pretending that I’m OK. Sometimes I have the sudden urge to reach out to you, and then I remember I already did that, and you didn’t want to know. I don’t blame you for being emotionally unavailable. 

I just wish you weren’t. Or maybe you just really didn’t like me. All I want to do is care for you, support you, love you. I feel sick at the thought of never seeing you again. Time will heal is what people said…now that it’s been nearly 3 years and I still feel the same way makes me wonder what on Earth is wrong with me.


Well anyway, I’ll wrap this up now. Uzair, seeing as I’ll probably never get to talk to you or see you again, what I’d like to tell you is that you are loved. 

That unbeknownst to you, there is someone out there who thinks of you as soon as they wake up and when they lay to rest at night. And if they had the chance, they would give anything to be yours.

FROM…. S

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