sometimes i laugh at the ridiculousness of my situation, i really do maybe that is why people become villains, serial killers. cause they do not have a lot of situations don’t get me wrong i will never be one but i envy there freedom there jail cells where they have absolute peace solitary from life itself and to not be trapped in there own mind not be forced to endure reality anymore.
i wish that was me, for my head to be absolute silent i have a lot of….issues, and im not lying when i say a lot, im only 17 and im lived the longest f**king life i could imagine. i have low self esteem, social anxiety, i was bullied fat shammed then skinny shamed then fat shammed then skinny shamed and the cycle goes on and on and on that i don’t know what the fuck to be, i have daddy issues and mommy issues abandonment issues, and my best friend left me and came back then left me then came back maybe that’s why i have abandonment issues or maybe its for the fact that everything good in my life did the same thing, after all my first love cheated on me, worse part is i actually put down all my walls for once.
my saying all this list you can no doubt conclude i am very suicidal, and not religious at all so i don’t really understand what is keeping me going, and i need your help, please tell me what is keeping you going cause right now i don’t know what is keeping me going and im spiraling in my own head i know id be dead by now if it wasn’t for the fact that if i did commit suicide then it’ll be looked down upon my family im not even sure they mourn i remember when my gran dad died and well my mom got angry at him having cancer like it was his fault, so if i take my own life what will they do?
i don’t really care about peoples opinions, but that bothers me i really wanna die and i wanna know what kept you alive, please help me.