Wow.. it’s been almost 20 years.

I think about you. I think about how you were struggling, mentally, while trying to raise two girls in a loveless marriage.

I get it.

What I don’t get, is why you chose to treat me like I was nothing. I reminded you of Dad and you hated that. You hated me. And you took it out on my sister and I. You were not meant to be a mom – at least, not at that young of age. You needed a lot of mental guidance.

Mom, you tried to kill yourself when I was 11. Did you not think for a minute that your decision to do that would affect me for the rest of my life? Selfish. You put yourself first before your kids and I promise you… I will NEVER treat my children (because I want to have one despite how crappy of a mom you were) the way you treated my sister and I.

I do have a lot of empathy for you. A lot of pity. I see the struggles and I’ve dealt with them myself. But, mom, I made it. I made it without you and I continue to live my life without you.

I do forgive you. And I don’t hate you anymore. I just wish you saw the impact it would have on me and my sister as we navigate through adulthood.

But we did it without you. And we continue to do it without you.

You have a granddaughter. She’s beautiful. But you will never know her. I have a husband and a family that loves me for me. I am no longer scared to be me. But let me tell you, your words echo through my head. Your words and your abuse has led to abandonment issues and trust issues. We don’t love easily and we watch who we have in our lives.

It’s been 20 years. 20 years of questions. Years of not understanding why my own mother would treat me so poorly. I refuse to accept being treated that way anymore.

I forgive you.

And I’m so glad that you are not in my life.

I do hope you’re doing well with your new life and new family. But I do hope that I cross your mind. I hope you think about me.

FROM…. Your daughter that you forget you have