I fell in love with you.
I know it’s kinda ridiculous given the fact that we’ve never met in real life but the reality is you’re always on my mind. Everything about you, I like; your sweetness, your looks, your curly auburn hair, misty blue eyes, jawline, sweet sweet lips, the fact that you barely have eyebrows, your body, your ambition, your kindness, your modesty, the fact that you can self reflect, that you are not like many other guys who turn into jerks when they don’t like the way things are going…
The way I feel about you is beyond just physical attraction. I connect with you. I feel close to you. We share pain. We average our misery. And I empathize with your inability to trust me even when I haven’t done anything to deserve it, at least that’s what I believe in.
And it kills me to know that I can’t see you in real life even tho I have the means to because you don’t want it. Or maybe the right word is “afraid” I don’t know… I know you like me (you showed me that repeatedly) and I also know that you’re scared because someone, at some point in time shattered you and now you’re feeling insecure about whether to let people in your comfort zone.
The truth is tho, I wasn’t that person and now I’m paying for her wrongdoings. I know we had our ups and downs but I never ever ever intended to hurt you, even if that meant hurting myself instead.
I don’t know how much longer I can go like this, being 3000 kms away from hugging you, kissing you, touching you… I yearn for you. It’s been two years since we met online and that feeling is only getting stronger day by day.
Once you told me that you had this daydream where I was popping out of nowhere. Believe me, the thought crossed my mind. But I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Even when this is what you told me.
I just hope that one day you’ll take a leap of faith and decide that maybe I’m worth giving it a shot. Until then, I’ll remain your chat buddy as long as I can.
As Alicia Keys says:
Through distance and time, I’ll be waiting
FROM…. Your “smashing”