I’m writing this letter laying in bed, not being able to sleep even tho I’ve to wake up early in the morning.
I can’t sleep cuz I can’t stop thinking abt you and what you’re up to. Are you thinking of me? Are you missing me? Are you distracting yourself from thoughts of me? I’ve so many questions and no answers as to why you did what you did.. It hurts so incredibly much.
It hurts the same, maybe even a bit more, than the last time you hurt me. I ask myself if this is truly finally the end or if you’re gonna feel the need to terrorize my peace again.
I have to say- I’ve been feeling happier and better without you. Hell, even relieved. But there is this feeling brewing in my chest that I can’t seem to get rid of, no matter what I do. Maybe it’s the fact that something, or more likely, someone is missing in my life. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve cut off all contact with you so there’s absolutely no way in hell you’ll try something again. But I kind of hope you.
I keep checking my mails in case you decided to make a new one cuz I blocked your old one and maybe have texted me. I keep checking if you still got me blocked from your side, but I see that you don’t. Do you secretly hope that I’ll give you another chance? To talk it out again? I know, this time it was my fault. I apologized, I tried to talk it out and give us another chance.
But you didn’t want to. I think you waited for that moment. For that moment when I finally make a mistake and you can blame everything on me so you can finally play the victim for once. ‘I’m better than her’ yeah, that’s what you’re probably thinking so you won’t feel guilty abt all the other, unacceptable shit you did.. you’re a coward.. have i told you that before? I don’t think I did. I wish I did. What a shame.
I don’t want you in my life, I probably didn’t want you in it for quite a while now. And I was quite happy to have you leave. But there’s still this disgusting feeling that won’t leave no matter what. And I know it’s you. Probably wishing I’ll never get better, just the same way you can’t get better. And I know you can’t. Your life is miserable, esp without me. And you know what? I’m glad it is, I really am.
Maybe one day you’ll finally learn how to deal with yourself and your disgusting character and yeah, maybe you’ll finally be happy and learn to love properly. But right now? No. Right now you’re nothing but a piece of sh*t. Quite literally.
The rage and anger I have for you is explainable, yet I still crave for your touch and comfort. I hope that’ll pass soon. I don’t want to feel like that ever again.
This is my goodbye to you. I hope you’ll let me go too.
FROM…. The One You Let Go