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Dear... Him

After four years, it finally dawned on me that it was over. I’m no longer bitter because I know that what we had was real. And it’d be a tragedy to not call it what it was. But after all these years, we never really had the chance to sit down and talk about what had actually happened, the answers to every question we ever had. After that night, I never received a message, a phone call, or even the slightest sign to know you were at least doing well. It was as if the person I dreadfully fell in love with, had yet to ever exist.

Honestly, I don’t blame you. Saying goodbye to you was never a part of my plan. But then again meeting you wasn’t a part of it either. I first looked into your eyes when I was younger, foolish, and reckless. At that time, “love” was just a word that touched the tip of my tongue every time I tried to pronounce it. Only God knows how much I wanted this to work. And I remember when we used to stay up till 5 am talking on the phone about how stupid love was. Ironic wasn’t it? Mom said she misses you and dad, well he always tried to hate you but deep down, we knew he loved you. It’s hard grieving someone that was still very much alive. 


What grave do I go to when I want to talk? A few months ago, I heard you were living it up in New York, engaged, with a one-year-old baby boy. The boiling pressure that came to me when I had also heard you named him Ace. The shattering memory that came back to me when we were watching a Disney movie on your computer, in your car, at 1 in the morning. We were arguing about the names of our future children. 


I had wanted Angel but you chose Alice. So we decided to be fair and use the two last letters in Alice and stick them with the first letter in the name I chose. I knew then and there that we would always keep each other close even when we were thousands of miles away from each other. But like every book I have ever run my fingers crossed, ours had an epilogue. I hope she gives you what I couldn’t, my love. And I really do hope the best for you. 


I miss your little brother so much as well as you but this is my goodbye. To the bad jokes that only we understood, to the plans we never really got to do, to the photos that held so much meaning in them. You are a part of the best parts of my past now. And if none of this matters, the last thing I would really want to tell you is…

I will always truly, honestly, and completely be in love with you.


P.S To whoever is reading this, remember that happiness isn’t the only thing love brings.


FROM…Someone you used to love.

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