Hiiii once again. I’m typing this letter at 2:51 in the morning /am, can’t sleep and I thought of visiting this site hoping some of my letters are published now, and yup they are published already, actually yun yung bungad sa’kin
like I opened the site and the first thing I saw is my letter to Seasoning. Lmaododoodd
Anyway where should I start? Like what do you want me to talk abt first? My relationship with Ai? Or my what’s going on in my life?
Well ig we’re going to start in my relationship with my best sweetest loving girlfriend Ai.
So I’ve already told my family abt us, not like it’s shocking news to them since I always tell stories abt Ai to my family, mostly to my cousin hshshshshs thanks to Ika for always listeningggg hehehdhd
Anw so yun nga we’re 2 months now, 3 months in Nov 14!!!
I love them sm,..
Do I really love them?
Yup, I loved them. But I somehow can’t feel it anymore. Idk y, I feel like it’s not the same anymore… Lmao Hi, it’s me I’m the problem… Sjdjsjjd
Hayyys but idk or idw to break up with them bcs I feel so guilty and I don’t want to regret it after… Maybe I’m feeling like this bcs our communication is not that good rn, and I’m always busy and stressed in my acads so maybe that’s y. I’m hoping we last forever.
Hah
I think the main problem is me thinking I’m not enough to them, thinking I’m not better. I shouldn’t be in relationship rn, I should focus on improving myself and being the better best version. But I can’t afford to lose them. I love them. Still. Or so what I want to think rn. I. Just dk anymore.
Let’s change the topic so what’s happening in my life rn?
So uhm we finished our chapter test and on Nov 8 we’re going to have our quarter exam, I feel like dying, I’m so stressed and I feel like I’m not in the awardee rn hahahaha fuck I hate myself. I always do. I never did like myself. Fuck. Why can’t I just be good and better why do I need to keep feeling like this, I thought I’m always fine, already better and now I’m back to being like this again. Fuck. When will be the time when I will feel satisfied and proud of myself? Fuck. I hate me sm. Fuck. I don’t understand myself and I think I will never do. Why am I like this? Am I bound to be like this forever? Fuck. I can’t even cry. Idk. J feels empty. I just want to cry but there are no tears left. How can I empty my emotions if one I can’t even do my coping mechanism? Fuck. Let me cry ffs. I just want to cry. Bring back my crybaby phase. I want to cry. I feel like crying will solve 70% of my 200 problems.
Fuck
I’m going to end this here. Idek what to write. I feel empty my mind is blank. Fuck.
From.. Your past self Ashley 10/24/22