Dear N

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You were my first love.

There is not a day where I don’t think about you. There is not a day where I’m curious about what you’re doing and who has your time.

I will admit that I do miss you, despite our last argument.

I miss your soft face, when I kissed it.
I miss running my fingers through your long brown hair. I know it’s cut now.
I miss your green eyes and beautiful long lashes.
I miss your laugh and pinching you when you made fun of me.
I miss your smile and the dimples that complemented each cheek.
I miss those big eyes that you would make to annoy me.
I miss your smell. Someone smelled like you today and the void in my heart re-appeared.

I always walk past the slope in which we used to sneak away during your lunch breaks -and how you would be late to class every time.

Every single time, that I walk past that road past those traffic lights, close to Massey and close to the bus stop. My heart breaks a little.

I walk past the skate park, close to Tory Street, and I hope to bump into you every time I walk up those stairs.

Every time I drive past the beachfront of Evans Bay – on the way to Kilbirnie. I remember the day when we first kissed and how I said I would never let you go…..


I loved you so much and I still do love you.

I’m so sorry that I hurt you and I know that you’ve hurt me too.

But please forgive me.

It was wrong timing and I never really knew how to love myself. I know of all the things I did wrong ~ I know you have felt pain.
I hope you know ~why I felt pain too.

I hope our paths cross again but when we’re better people.

Edit~ 21/9/2023 8:39 PM
I am listening to Cry by Cigarettes After Sex, right now. I used to cry during this song and think about you.
But now I don’t cry anymore.

I just think about you.