The first and only love

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It’s toxic but not. It’s not the kind of toxic where I’m physically hurting but more like mentally fucking with me. Understand? I’m 13 and in love, nobody takes you seriously until they experience what true young love is like. what I mean by “mentally fucking with me” is this.

They love me to bits and I love them with every single part of me, they take care of me and are so perfect in every way possible but not. They’ve been hurt and broken and bruised in every way possible and need help, I can’t help them.

They’re suicidal and every morning I wake up and just the first thing on my mind is are they dead? I’m starting to think they are not so perfect. But they’re everything I could ever dream of until they’re not.

They go out and the party gets drunk do drugs, smoke whatever the fuck they want and it worries me. There have been situations where they are so pissed that they’ve just run in front of train tracks luckily the train was stopping.

I CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS. BUT I LOVE THEM. and I always fucking will and I never want to leave them. if I were to leave them I could never love someone the same. and I don’t want to leave them.

BUT IM HURTING IM FUCKING HURTING. I’m hurting myself because of this I’ve tried taking my own life because of this. SO DEAR DYLAN, fuck you. but I love you, I really really do.

From.. someone who “doesn’t care enough”

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