I never wanted to go things like this, i never expected things gets heavier i can’t sleep properly without thinking of something terrible i can’t achieve things i wanted to do i am exhausted from everything i never wish things goes like this, i hate when my body acts down all day, i hate how i cry in every fights, i hat e how i cry in every night, i am hoping for something that will make my spark shine more again, everything goes slower, complicated pagod nako sa lahat hindi ko na kaya.
To people say i’m so strong cuz day they saw me i was so happy and chill, i’m sorry people because i faked how happy i am, i confess behind those happy and chill time, is just me trying my best to endure all the thoughts and sadness inside me, natatakot na akong mag patuloy kasi pag nakita nyo akong umiyak tsaya nyo malalaman na talagang pagod na ako, im trying my best for m friendsm for my family, for people who loves me, and especially for my beloved emelyn.
i know things never go as we planned, as we promised, and as we expected if only i can redo the time and saw you coming to my life with the happiness i saw you, i will repeat that day i can’t stand seeing you like this, i’m to fragile but i’m trying im exhausted but im trying.
i’m sorry if nag burst out ako nung time na yun, im sorry if i acted that way i’m very sorry if i turned into this, i’m sorry if nakikita mokong umiiyak lagi i can’t stop but ill stop just for you, i can present you everything kumapit kalang okay? ayokong nag iisip ka ng kamatayan, negatibo pati mga bagay na makaksira sa maganda mong isipan, i’ll guide you as the best i could dont give up on me, i’ll do my best.
For my little kid me, i’m sorry i’m very sorry, im sorry little mj kasi nakita mo akong ganto, im sorry kasi hindi ko na naaalagaan sarili ko, im sorry kung wala ako sa tabi mo nung umiiyak ka, im sorry kasi fragile na ako i should’ve protected you pero look at you umiiyak na kasama ko, kung nakikita mo man ito gusto kong bumawi sayo tabihan ka tuwing umiiyak ka, naiinis ka, o naguguluhan.
to myself, be strong oo iiyak ka pero it doesn’t mean mahina kana nun, you can cry all night gumaan lang bigat sa dib dib mo, hindi ka okay pero kumapit kalang ah? part ng buhay yan at believe me next nyan sasaya ka, kumapit kalang ahh?
to lola fely at tatay zaldi, im sorry kugn nakikita nyo apo nyo na umiiyak, gusto kong sumaya para sa inyo pero hindi ko magawa, sorry nanay fely kung nakikit amo apo mo na ang laki na gusgusin parin, im sorry tatay zaldy kung nakikita mo mj bonching mo na nandito nag rrant, kung bumalik lang ang orasan sana nayakap ko kayo sa huling sandali nyo sa mundo
to mel dean, gagawin ko lahat para hindi ka mawalan ng big kuya mj gagawin ko lahat para masabayan ka na lumaki, dean hindi ako galit sayo tuwing matigas ulo mo natutuwa ako sayo lalo kasi sobrang saya mo, sasamahan kita sa pag saya mo dean kumapit kalang
to my parents mama at papa, i’m sorry kung ganto ako di ako mawawala kakayanin ko toh para mabuhay ko kayo, maraming salamat dahil ginabayan nyoko, maraming salamat dahil naging magulang kayo sakin, pero this time ako na muna dito OKAY LANG AKO!!
i wish hindi ganto buhay ko ngayon, that’s all.
