I know you probably still haven’t forgiven me for what I did and I understand that. I just want to express myself even though I know that you won’t even see this letter I’m writing for you.
Remember when I told you that I will love you no matter what? well guess what, I still do. I still think about you every single fucking day. I can’t get you out of my head, our time together still haunts me till this day.
I had a girlfriend after a few months we stopped talking, she was nice and funny. But she left me. The whole time I was with her, I knew it wouldn’t work out. She was funny, kind, and loving, but she was untruthful, a pathological liar. She’ll never replace you in my heart. I thought to myself that maybe that was the karma you were wishing me to get.
Even after months of not talking or spending time with you, the memories of us together still feels new to me as if it all happened yesterday. The laughter? the teasing?the talking? I miss it all. I miss calling you mine. I’ve always been so proud of myself to call you mine before, I can’t believe I won’t be able to do that anymore.
You’re free from the pain I was causing you but I’m still here, hurting, as always. I tried my best to change just like how you told me to. I don’t know if the new me is okay with you, I wish you were here to tell me that. I really miss you, Ren.
I’ll apologize to you over and over, explain my side to you and understand you. If only you gave me one more chance to change, I would’ve shown you how much I changed. Maybe if I met you rn we’d still be together. Maybe you’d like this version of me better, or maybe not, who knows?
Either way, I still love you no matter what. I miss your voice and laughter, I miss everything about you. I’m sorry for loving and hurting you, the only intentional thing I wanted to do was the first one, not the second, never. I hated myself for hurting you, I still can’t forgive myself for hurting the most precious thing I had. I loved you so much I hated and hurt myself for us. I wish I was better for you, I love you.
